Letters
by Emmeebee
Summary: There are some things that feel impossible to say, even to your best friend. Filled with trepidation at the idea of facing Hermione after the letters they both received that morning, Harry finds himself doing the unthinkable - hiding from his best friend in his own house. But he knows as well as anyone that you can't hide forever, and perhaps that's not a bad thing.


Being the preferred victim of his cousin had made Harry learn rather quickly how to identify a good hiding place. It was important that it was something that would provide full cover but be comfortable enough for you to not have to move at an inopportune moment, be out of the way but not obviously so. The whole business had gotten significantly easier after Dumbledore had given him his father's Cloak, but he didn't want to rely so heavily on it that he couldn't hide without it anymore. Besides, the idea of using the Cloak to hide from his best friend in his own house felt dirty.

Of course, he'd never admit to anyone that that was what he was doing. He didn't know how he'd explain away laying underneath a bed in one of the spare rooms any other way, but then again they had done a lot of things at Hogwarts that he wouldn't have thought they'd be able to explain away but then had gone unpunished for.

While he knew that he would have to face Hermione eventually, he needed to work out what he wanted first. It would be so easy just to go along with his natural desire to please her, especially given that what she would think about the situation was utterly obvious, but this was too important a decision to just hand over to someone else. He thought back to the two letters that he had received that morning – one from Minerva McGonagall, the other from Kingsley Shacklebolt, both offering him the chance at a completely different and equally appealing year.

Hogwarts wasn't fully restored to its former glory, but the main structural issues had been repaired and school was going to recommence on 1 September as it always did. Professor McGonagall was sending out letters to all students, informing them that Hogwarts was open to any past student who had not yet finished their education, that make-up exams were to be sat in a few weeks for any students who wished to test out, and that she had made arrangements with another British school so that any students who did not feel comfortable returning to Hogwarts would automatically have the option of transferring there. The personalised part of his letter had added that she understood if he did not wish to return but would personally love to see him back there and, speaking in an unofficial capacity, would like to appoint him Head Boy. It was a tempting offer. Harry was sure that Hermione would be planning on accepting the opportunity to finish school and could just picture them wandering the Hogwarts grounds together once more, finally free of the threat of Voldemort.

But Kingsley's letter contained an equally tempting offer. Kingsley had already told him of his plans to replenish the diminished Auror force by accepting anybody who had fought for their side in the Battle of Hogwarts into the three-year training program. Receiving a letter offering him a position and hinting that the three-year timeframe was for the average recruit and was somewhat flexible depending upon prior ability and experiences, however, made it all that much more real. Harry could _be an Auror _– possibly in less than three years. He wasn't sure whether that was what he wanted to be doing in twenty years' time, but he was eager to help hunt down the rest of the Death Eaters and investigate their sympathisers. Besides, he could make a career change later and then slip back to being an Auror quite easily if he wanted to.

As Harry considered each option, he became increasingly aware that only one felt truly right for him, as much as he wished it weren't the case. He closed his eyes and let out an inaudible sigh before sliding and wriggling out from his hiding place.

He found her sitting at the kitchen counter eating toast as she read what appeared to be legal documents. "Hermione?"

She flinched and spun on her stool to face him. "Oh, hello Harry. I didn't know you were home."

"I was upstairs." _Face it like a Gryffindor. _"Did McGonagall and Kingsley write you too?"

"I got their letters this morning. It's strange to have so much choice about what to do now, isn't it?"

"A little. So…er…are you going back?"

"Yes, I think so. I rather like the idea of having a school year that isn't overshadowed by the threat of Voldemort and I don't want my last memories of Hogwarts to be of the battle. It will also give me time to process everything and consider all of my options. What about you?" They had gotten accustomed to reading one another's tone and expression over their year on the run and Harry could see the resignation in her face. She already knew what he was going to say and didn't like it, but she was trying not to influence him.

"The idea of going back and being able to just be a child again is…well, it's all I want, to be honest. I want to finish school with you and Ron and the others and have that good school year. It's just that I feel like I finished school when Dumbledore died, you know? I don't think I can go back to lessons and essays and studying again; it's just so far removed now."

"You're not like me, Harry. You've moved on from that; I need the closure. I am hoping to test out of a few subjects so I have time to do some rebuilding work for Kingsley remotely, but I need the school structure for now."

"Yeah. It's tempting to try and force it, but I don't think I can. Besides, I don't know how I'd go with my exams. At least this way, it's the battle that's getting me in, not my fame. Not qualifying for the program and getting in anyway would feel horrible."

"You could do it if you wanted to, Harry, but I understand. Actually, I'm surprised you actually thought this through so much."

"Honestly, the reason you didn't know I was here was that I was upstairs hiding in while I tried to work out what I wanted well enough to be able to tell you I wasn't going to finish school."

Hermione laughed. "Of course you were."

"Does this make me a high school dropout?"

"Well, we did just not show up last year. It seems to be a natural progression from severe truancy. Actually, I hope to _not _break any school rules or laws this year, although I don't know whether I'll be able to break the habit."

"Let me know when you replace Ron and me."

"I don't know if it would even be possible to find someone else with the same strange mixture of skill, luck, misfortune, recklessness and loyalty. Then again, we've done the impossible before. Perhaps that ought to be my mission for the year. Of course, it won't be the same without you."

"Who knows, Ron might go back." He grinned as Hermione snorted. They both knew that any consideration Ron gave to the option of returning to school would be fleeting at best, _especially_ when he found out that Harry wasn't returning. "You know, it'll be weird going off into the big bad world without you."

"Because this is definitely your first foray into it; that whole thing with Voldemort was just a practice round for real life."

"Okay, Auror training won't be any worse than six years at Hogwarts and another hunting Horcruxes. That doesn't mean I won't miss you."

"I'll write weekly and visit every Hogsmeade weekend," Hermione promised. "Besides, you'll have Ron and everybody else who takes up Kingsley's offer. You won't even notice I'm not there." She sighed, and with it Harry got the sense that she was shedding a front of false stoicism. "I'm glad you've thought this through and are finally doing what's best for you rather than what everybody wants from you, but I honestly can't imagine Hogwarts without you."

"Or Ron, yeah?" He wanted to refute her assumption that he wouldn't miss her, but they were already skirting dangerous territory. It would be so easy for him to level with her, which made it just that much more important to get the conversation back on track before he forgot himself.

"Or Ron," she echoed quietly.

"He loves you, if that's what you're worried about." He watched her play with the crumbs on her empty plate. "Hermione, what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing."

"I spoke to Ron the other day. He said you had a fight a few weeks ago but seemed to think it wasn't a big deal. I assumed it wasn't because you hadn't mentioned anything… Was he wrong?"

"We broke up."

"You've done that before."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting over. It was just so…_petty_. Harry, do you know the metaphor about straw that broke the camel's back?" They had taken to using Muggle idioms more since Voldemort's demise, but she still waited until he nodded before continuing. "The argument was stupid and insignificant and meaningless but it was that straw. We're in a constant argue-ignore-forgive-argue cycle and I just can't believe that that's love. Not when…" She cut her sentence off abruptly.

"Not when what, Hermione?"

"You _have _to promise not to tell _anybody_."

"Cross my heart."

"Sometimes I wonder if I even like him that way at all anymore. Honestly, I think I haven't for a while but have stuck around because actually ending it with him would feel like I was throwing away all of the time that I spent pining after him. We haven't spoken much since the fight and I haven't even missed him at all."

"You need to talk to him about this, Hermione. He thinks this is just temporary."

"I made my meaning perfectly clear."

"Fine, you have no obligationto talk to him about it. But if it would help you to actually become friends again…"

"I can't just bring it up again out of nowhere. What would I say? 'Remember how I broke up with you? Yeah, well, I meant it.' – that'd just be cruel."

"And it isn't cruel to just let him keep thinking that you'll eventually get back together until you get another boyfriend?"

"I'll visit the Burrow sometime and see if he says anything that implies he thinks we're going to get back together," Hermione conceded. "If he does, I'll tell him. If I made him wait until I was dating somebody else, he might still expect a reconciliation when we're a hundred and thirty and on our deathbeds."

"I doubt it'll be that long. You're eighteen, brilliant and your focus at school this year is going to be on talking to everybody to make sure that they're alright and are getting along with each other."

"It was a hyperbole, Harry. Gross exaggeration of fact to make a point. I think it's time for a change of subject, though; this is making me feel entirely too gloomy. How's it going with Ginny?"

"Fine, surprisingly. A bit awkward, but it's better this way. I think we both moved on during that year on the run, and she's been more light-hearted lately."

"You sure you're alright with her and Seamus?"

"She seems happy and it doesn't hurt anymore, so yeah."

"I'm really glad, Harry. She's been really happy the last few times I've seen her. A little bouncy, actually." Hermione smirked and in that moment looked every bit the Slytherin he knew she could have been. "So, are you going to be dating somebody else anytime soon?"

"I brought that on myself, didn't I?"

"Completely." With a chuckle, she brushed the crumbs from her fingers, took her plate to the sink and charmed the sponge to wash it.

"The only person I'd consider dating is going to be at school sorting her priorities out," he muttered. He knew better, but felt an uncontrollable impulse to just say it while she was still far enough away that she wouldn't be able to hear him.

Unfortunately, time on the run had made them both hyperaware of their environment and had honed Hermione's senses. He felt his heart drop when she stiffened and wished that he could see her face so he'd know what she was thinking. "Pardon?"

"I – er – nothing."

"You like someone at school? At Hogwarts?"

"Er, yes."

"Who is it?"

"What?"

Spinning around quickly with a look of determination, Hermione said softly, "Harry, is she…is it me?"

"Eh?"

"You said you moved on when we were on the run and there weren't any other girls who were consistently with us. You might have only started fancying somebody else after we got back, I suppose, but it would make more sense if…"

"I don't really want to talk about it." When your brain-to-mouth filter fails, try avoidance. Harry was beginning to regret wishing that he could see her expression; if she hadn't, she wouldn't have been able to see his.

"I fancy someone too, Harry. I think it's another reason I finally moved on from Ron. Last year, I started unintentionally and compulsively comparing him to a friend of mine and it made me realise that I didn't love him. Of course, I thought this other guy was taken so I decided to give it time with Ron. Then all that other stuff happened."

"Who do you like?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she teased. "Look, I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"It's you," he whispered. "It's just that you were with Ron…"

Her eyes lit up as she smiled, making her look truly happy for the first time that afternoon. "Good. Because mine is you too."

"It is?"

"Would I joke about this?"

"I dunno, you've always been such a flippant person…"

"That really is the thing most people know me by. That and my incredible beauty and incessant over-the-top stupidity."

"And your hatred of anything school-related. So, are you busy this weekend?"

"Nothing that can't be rearranged. When are you thinking?"

"Saturday? We could go explore Muggle London."

"That sounds wonderful; it's been entirely too long since I've acted like a Muggle for a day."

"I figured we could just leave the Leaky Cauldron and wander around."

"I might commandeer this date then, if that's alright with you. I have a few ideas and it'd be lovely to show you things you may not have done with your aunt and uncle."

"That will give us options for a lot of dates."

Hermione frowned. "Are you alright with this being long distance?"

"From what I've read – yes, Hermione, I read – Auror training is extremely involving and doesn't leave much room for socialising, and I'm sure that whatever career path you choose will be similarly gruelling, so I greatly doubt that where you were living would make much difference. Besides, I'll have weekly letters and frequent Hogsmeade visits to help me through it. I'll meet your bet and might even raise you some Floo calls."

"I'd raise you a Howler but I don't suppose that would be positive communication."

"I should go respond to McGonagall so she can find another Head Boy. Don't want you to be left with whoever she can wrangle up last minute as your partner."

"Who says I'm Head Girl?"

"Who else would it be?"

"Ginny or Luna? They both inspired the students last year and would be excellent at uniting the houses. Even with people being extra careful, I'm sure my blood status won't help matters at all either."

"Ginny's great but too unruly and Luna still needs to lie low until Malfoy's been sentenced. Try again?"

She merely huffed.

"Congratulations, by the way."

"You too, even if you're not accepting it. But you'd best be writing that reply of yours – if I get stuck with someone awful like Theodore Nott, I _will _hunt you down."

"And what? It's not as if you're going to kill me."

"It's not, but I'm rather good at revenge."

Sometimes threats were better left unvoiced. Although Harry knew that Hermione would never actually hurt him, the fact that the resulting action rested in a pool of potential repercussions with a great variety of unsavouriness and painfulness did not escape him. For all he knew, she'd drag Nott along to one of their dates and then ditch them or something. With a parting smile, the young man scurried upstairs to find quill and parchment. He figured that it wouldn't hurt to casually mention that he thought Neville Longbottom would be an excellent candidate if he were returning, which Harry was rather certain he would. If Hermione ever dragged Neville along as payback, at least he'd be good company.


End file.
